Thursday, May 26, 2011

Newport Fire Department Warms Up The Coast

The Newport Fire Department practices hosework on a training burn on Saturday, May 21. Training burns are an inexpensive option for houses scheduled for demolition that provide excellent training and "real world experience" for new firefighters.
Firefighters practice handling the high pressure hoses during a training burn.

Senior Fire Engineer Todd Butterfield, a specialist in building construction,
has been providing structural advisement for the Newport Fire Department since 1981.



The Newport Fire Department executes another successful training burn
in Newport, Oregon on May 21, 2011.
 

Monday, May 16, 2011

Oregon Chimpanzee Outraged Over Theory of Evolution

A chimpanzee at the Oregon Zoo named Darwin, who is renowned as the world's most intelligent primate because his sign language vocabulary exceeds 300 words, shook the scientific community last week by disagreeing with academic consensus about the origins of mankind.

After being explained through sign language the famous Theory of Natural Selection created by 19th century naturalist Charles Darwin, who the monkey was ironically named after, Darwin the Chimp astounded researchers with his sharp and suprisingly cognitive response:

"I've seen those flabby uprights who come through the zoo with their fanny packs and tank tops, dripping ice cream in their kids' hair and throwing wrappers on the ground - and I am offended that you traced them back to my species," Darwin calmy signed, as confirmed by sign linguistic specialists who were shown the video.

He continued, "If anything you've got it backwards. I mean, you don't even have opposable toes - your feet are good for nothing but balance. And your hairless bodies require those ridiculous garments to stay warm."

Dr. Fred Evans, Head of Primate Research at the Oregon Zoo, appeared lost in a trance of shock and awe. "Today we learned that not only is Darwin far more intelligent than we had previously estimated, he's also quite cynical," Evans commented.

Darwin finished his sign rant by adding "Just because we primates choose to live a more primitive existence in a deeper symbiosis with nature doesn't give you the right to associate us with those slobbering uprights whom you charge money to come throw gummy candies into our cages. So demeaning. I understand why the cavemen are so upset all the time."

Monday, May 9, 2011

Jed Wyman Reads at Valley Writers Series


JedWyman, Corvallis Author and Instructor
of Composition at LBCC will read for the Valley
Writers' Series May 11th.




Jed Wyman likes to begin class sessions with students sharing “humorous anecdotes, minor mishaps, and strange encounters,” along with news and current events to help generate ideas for journal entries.


But unbeknownst to most students, sensitive topics and public speaking often test his, and other instructors', nerves.


Wyman, an Instructor of Composition at LB who will be reading from his own work at the Valley Writers Series on May 11, is establishing methods to approach delicate issues and determine what is appropriate for classroom discussion while overcoming teacher anxieties.

Karelia Stetz-Waters, Instructor and Coordinator of Composition at LB, commented “It’s something we all think about, because in any given classroom some students’ world experience may be sheltered, while others may be so colorful you’d be shocked...and there’s a great challenge in reaching that diverse of an audience.”

Wyman’s own world experience paints a broad spectrum. After bouncing between boarding schools in Southern California, Wyman left high school before his junior year to begin a life of travel and adventure.

His spirited curiosity has led him twice to Kenya, where he taught English to high school kids and helped fight government corruption amongst tribal conflict.

He poured whiskey for Hell’s Angels and played in a heavy metal band in Missoula while earning his B.A. in history from the University of Montana. He packed burros and worked on a trail crew for nine summers in Sequoia National Park, where he will return after spring quarter. 

Aside from being an avid reader and active musician, Wyman is also a classic film buff. I discovered him to be a preservationist of the lost art of conversation, rollicking through stories that included discovering German hand grenades from WWII in Italy, leading students on crawdad fishing field trips in Kenya, and narrowly escaping the fangs of a rattlesnake strike.

With both his parents being college professors, Wyman has taken well to the family trade. "He's a delightful colleague to work with and a pleasant person," said Stetz-Waters.

Chair of the English Department, Terrance Millet, agrees, "Jed's a dedicated teacher and fiction writer and an asset to the program. He's up on literature, and he reads my stuff, so he must have good taste." 

Wyman is currently working on a collection of short stories described as “loosely linked with obscure common themes like rock’n’roll, baboons, women’s feet, and (mule) packer language." 

He will read fresh-brewed, unpublished selections for the Valley Writers Series that address topics like teacher anxiety, public speaking, and general neurosis.

Q & A


What kind of challenges have you faced in the classroom?

- I’m always amazed at how many different perspectives there are at LB. It’s a real challenge sometimes to bridge certain differences and find a balance. Especially this past week with the death of Osama bin Laden, trying to address that and keep a dignified discussion going without letting emotions run rampant. But it's great to hear a diversity of viewpoints.

Would you ever go back to Kenya to teach?

- I’d love to. I’ve thought about it a lot lately. I was recently contacted by a former student who asked me to visit. I’d like to try to make that happen somehow.

Which of your favorite writers would you like to speak with and what might you say?

- I think some of the writers I love the most might have been the most difficult to talk to. I’m trying to imagine a lucid conversation with Charles Bukowski but it might have been out of the question: he’d probably be too drunk and ornery.

It would be really interesting to talk with an author who writes about place, like Steinbeck, and to have a conversation with him in that environment: to walk the fields of the Salinas Valley and just notice how he appreciates the areas he writes about.


What’s the best advice you’ve received or given on writing?

- They always say to write about what you’re most familiar with, but recently I heard author Annie Proulx say the exact opposite. She basically said – and I’d been waiting to hear someone say this for a long time – "that is rubbish, write about whatever interests you the most, immerse yourself in it, research it relentlessly. That’s just as important and valid as writing about things you’re familiar with."

I felt a huge relief to hear her say that. For so long I stuck by the mantra "write what you know," so I wrote about guys washing dishes and playing in rock bands, things like that. And it was so ingrained in my head that it was liberating to break free of it.

The advice that I always try to impart on my students is that good writing is a healthy mixture of brevity and detail.   

You mentioned that you're constantly searching for obscure and interesting words, are there any you've found recently?

- Imbroglio. As in, I hope my reading doesn't turn into an imbroglio.

(Imbroglio: An extremely confused, complicated, or embarrassing situation.)

At A Glance:
Who: Jed Wyman, Corvallis writer and LBCC Instructor of Composition. Wyman holds a B.A. in history from the University of Montana and an M.F.A. in creative writing from Oregon State University.
What: Reading by Corvallis Author and Instructor of Composition, Jed Wyman
When: Wednesday, May 11th, at noon
Where: Cascade View/Alsea/Calapooia room, CC203/205, on LBCC Albany campus




Monday, May 2, 2011

Tennessee Middle School Bulldog Mascot Fired for Homosexuality

An eight year old English bulldog named Brutus was relieved of his duties as the Pickneyville Middle School mascot last week after humping another male bulldog named Sparkles at a basketball pep rally.

Under pressure from the "Don't Say Gay" bill advanced by the Tennessee State Senate, which will make it illegal for any teacher or school official to discuss homosexuality with students K-8, PMS teachers were unable to explain to the eighth-graders attending the pep-rally what was happening when Brutus mounted Sparkles.

"Ewh, he's gay, Brutus is gay," cried students as teachers and counselors scrambled to silence them and evacuate the rally. The pandemonium lasted nearly half an hour as students pressed questions that would be illegal to answer.

PMS principal Richard Denial issued this statement Friday:

"What Brutus did was uh, well, he was, um, happy. Brutus is very happy but he'll be moving on from PMS to avoid this kind of, um, confusion, over ,um, reproduction(?) in the future. He, uh, well, I don't know what to say. What can I say here?"

The incident has caused such uproar among parents that the Tennesee Bureau of Investigation is launching a provisional investigation into the conduct of the teachers in order to ensure no synonyms for homosexuality were used during the debacle.

TBI spokesman Buster Humphrey commented "We're reviewing the situation for any use of the H-word and the G-word by school personnel. To either confirm or deny these concepts exist would technically be in violation of measure SB49."

If found guilty, teachers could face up to six months in prison, where they will learn firsthand that homosexuality does not exist.

Senator Stacey Campfield (R.- Tenn) had been pushing legislation on the issue for over six years, when finally it was passed through to the senate floor last week.

Campfield's crusade is reportedly the result of enduring a harsh southern childhood as a boy with a traditionally female first name.

Apparently life ain't easy for a boy named Stacey, either.