After being explained through sign language the famous Theory of Natural Selection created by 19th century naturalist Charles Darwin, who the monkey was ironically named after, Darwin the Chimp astounded researchers with his sharp and suprisingly cognitive response:
"I've seen those flabby uprights who come through the zoo with their fanny packs and tank tops, dripping ice cream in their kids' hair and throwing wrappers on the ground - and I am offended that you traced them back to my species," Darwin calmy signed, as confirmed by sign linguistic specialists who were shown the video.
He continued, "If anything you've got it backwards. I mean, you don't even have opposable toes - your feet are good for nothing but balance. And your hairless bodies require those ridiculous garments to stay warm."
Dr. Fred Evans, Head of Primate Research at the Oregon Zoo, appeared lost in a trance of shock and awe. "Today we learned that not only is Darwin far more intelligent than we had previously estimated, he's also quite cynical," Evans commented.
Darwin finished his sign rant by adding "Just because we primates choose to live a more primitive existence in a deeper symbiosis with nature doesn't give you the right to associate us with those slobbering uprights whom you charge money to come throw gummy candies into our cages. So demeaning. I understand why the cavemen are so upset all the time."
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